Me and my friends had been doing the Oxford drinking circuit for many years. We had in our younger years sworn an oath that even when the inevitable happened (women) came into our sights we would still get together on a weekly basis and as we got older fortnightly. We stuck to this as a friends pact should never be broken (not where drink is involved anyway). Our antics were what seemed legendary and most mornings after the laughs were unforgettable.
Now one such evening comes to mind and how we squeezed such mayhem, fun, drunkeness, flirting and just general lads behaviour I will never know, I can only assume old father time had stopped then put the night on slow mo as our 8 hours drinking seemed to last a week.
The date was the 31st of December 1999 and yes the night when the world would go pop, so me and the band of merry men had stuck our heads together and well in advance purchased tickets for the big and busy pubs and also our finish up club. So we met at 7pm in the Antiguity Hall, a student pub, none of us were students, but it was always good for a game of pool and some banter with ye olde bike with a basket riding, duffle coat wearing uni and student folk. So as usual at porsche speed we zoom a couple of beers down our necks and start plotting a great evening, already my friend Danny (mr 20 pints darts belly) is struggling, "food" he says "I need food". Blimey Dan it's only 7.30pm and you look like casper the ghost, right lads lets get a jig on and get into Old Orleans (plan). No sooner had we stepped onto the pavement and old mother sick was rearing her head, Danny is vomiting and trying to do so discreetly, "Dan" we ask "have you been sick?". Now this seriously is a guy who does handle beer like a madman "nope" he says as it finishes dribbling from his mouth and is wiped into his brown (yep brown) leather jacket.
So as we make our way to Old Orleans with a now empty and raring to go stay puff giant it was full steam ahead, to the bar and the Pernod shots begin. Two and gone as by this time my friend has managed to nab an aussie hat with corks attached to it and has become the worst sounding oxonian/aussie ever. On into Yates and its wall to wall with (pardon the wording) top notch totty and a dance floor (yes totty). We have 3 beers in quick time and start doing some of what can only be described as a group of MFI wardrobes moving about in a really wooden fashion "dancing". Don't know what happened but we had some women flock around us and start the old handbag dance. We dance we sing a bit and most of all start early on the new year kisses. Very even start apart from Jason the Gigolo who is like a rampant animal frothing at the mouth like he has smelt blood. "Haha, 10" he shouts as we leave the pub, cough cough 3 I quietly say. This guy is not just a kissing machine he is Oxfords shagging machine (nice magnet to have).
So we decide to do our next walk to a posh wine bar called Raouls but on the way the customary wee's were needed. We took a short cut along the canal barge alley and started like idiots slashing in bushes etc. Well my friend Simon is now being captain on a canal barge and without thinking we have unmoored it and pushed with our feet and off it floats. Now Simon is in turmoil as the owner realises it is moving and like a pop up pirate his head appears, now Tom Daley style Simon without thinking is pushing through 3 reverse pikes with twist and he is in up to his knees in the drink(water). "B**t**ds" he shouts as we sprint off at speed into our next haunt. Now stud boy has set his sights firmly on a tidy looking brunette at the bar, by this time though Jason is done, he has a fork in him he is cooked, so he perches his bum next to her and orders a vodka. Before he's even had 2 mouthfuls and his sentence is finished he slumps forward and gently ends up head perched on her breasts. Well that was eviction city and as we climbed the steps out of there, we knew our wingman was done and dusted, so with a handful left the nightclub the Old Fire Station was calling, tickets out and in we went, ready for midnight.
As it was seeing in the new year a mass of food had been laid on, then the final hurrah, lets dance boy's, and so drinks in hand we hit the dancefloor and danced like no other (I mean no other aswell). Anyway eventually they announce we can attack the food and they could well have been awful words in hindsight, as somebody had thought that a lot of cheese was a good idea (babybels). Billy gathered these up and was like a gatlin gun, babybels everywhere. Rolling on to midnight and we were still just able to see the bing bong Big Ben in. We had by now kissed everybody and just to make sure kissed them again, even some rogue boobs were shown to us wahooooooo breasts yay. Anyway we had got through the night and seen in the new year, the new millennium and the world did not crumble. I used to love my drinking and stupidness with my friends and only we will truly laugh with what the true extent of our younger years were, but once again thanks for reading.
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