Daddy's Humble Pie

After seeing my gorgeous daughter Isabella being born, I was very unlucky and got struck down with suspected swine flu.  This meant that for seven days after her birth I was in basic isolation in our bedroom and quite out of it.  After recovering and being able to integrate with my babies again I found that I was, without knowing, was giving Oliver more daddy time than Isabella.  I could not pinpoint this at the time but something was missing and I was baffled, after all my wife had provided me with the most gorgeous beautiful daughter.

I was stuck in a really funny mindset as I knew I loved my children all equally and yes we love them the same but also in peculiar ways a tad different, if that makes sense.  I was starting to understand with Oliver why I seemed to be doing everything to Oliver's call and whistle and putting Issy on the back burner.  I have a 10 year old son, Harry, who lives in Oxford as I left his mum when he was two. I can now see that I had become scared of rejection and being pushed away by Oliver as I knew I would be heading into uncharted territory with him once he got to two.  I had not done the potty training with Harry and had not been a big enough part of his life to have a say and help him develop a tad of his dads ways (lucky I hear you say).

I knew my daddy love and parenting skills had to change with Oliver because although at the time, that extra bit of t.v, the extra chunk of chocolate, the outstretched arms with cute eyes saying "pick me up daddy" as my legs are going to drop off scenario, that "lift me out of my buggy daddy as I need a cuddle and mum can push a £600 pound pram along the promenade empty", yes all of this I am guilty as charged and knew it had to stop.

So it was 4-5 months ago that the penny dropped and I realised that although I was not hurting my son I was teaching him and allowing him to drop into awful habits.  Plus I did not want Isabella watching and copying. Just to say mine and Isabella's bond has grown to such a massive one that it feels like the love and care and attention I have for my daughter could explode out of me at anytime!  It took me a while but we are bonded just the same as I am with Oliver and although Oliver still does get a bit more daddy attention, but I am working on that.

My first job to tackle was the picking up and carrying of Olly.  It had got to the stage where I may as well have had Velcro attached to me and, this was a) Making him very lazy and b) Sending out the wrong signal. Each time he whinged I would pick him up, a quick fix but only short term solution. Anyway as per ear bend from wife and the long pointed wagging index finger I stopped picking Oliver up every minute of every day. I must say that it took a long time, but he very quickly got used to daddy only picking him up if he had properly hurt himself or when we just wanted to share a random cuddle.  This also started straight away giving me some much needed Isabella time, which is just as magical as Oliver time.

My second issue to tackle was Olivers eating habits.  I truly believed that if Oliver had a mouthful of dinner and made no effort to eat anymore then it was fine and dandy for old chubby fingers me to pick his fork up and feed feed feed, but oh no, old pointy index finger got me again.  Karen explained how lazy Oliver had become with his eating now daddy was feeding him and how this again would affect his development.  My train of thought was that if I got him to eat then all was well.  Wifey was right though.  I left Oliver for a few nights and sure enough this excellent little boy with his table manners and lovely feeding skills was now back up and running.  Hooray listen number two and low and behold success number two.

My last task to tackle is my inability to say no to Oliver.  For example, Oliver being the eldest of my two children living with me had become very territorial with his toys.  He will shout as if being murdered when Isabella tries to join in, or attempts to pick a toy up, and my way was to give Oliver the toy he screamed for and palm Issy off with anything that was within reach.  By this time I turned to Mrs Marquick, her of pointy waggy finger, and she told me we needed to start by teaching Olly to share.  This worked a treat the next time he screamed that Issy had taken from him I asked him to share and for him to pick a toy for Issy, although this started as a bogey or paperclip lol, it has progressed that Olly will now share very good toys with Issy and he also knows she won't ruin them.

It is all still a massive work in progress with Oliver but my word by accepting help and advice from Karen my gorgeous wife we are slowly starting to notice massive steps forward by Oliver and he is learning slowly all the right things are the best things. It will take time to iron out the bad habits that I have instilled in him, but please remember if you have children the correct and sometimes what seems hard road is the best road. It works, believe me our house is settling into a much more productive and happy house now that daddy is no longer afraid of being rejected.  Children flourish from being taught the right things/ways. Thanks for reading G.