Since being diagnosed with severe osteoarthritis in my right hip and mild in my left, my whole outlook and the way I go about life has changed. It has also affected my family in a big way. I have suffered physically and mentally in lots of ways, I had to give work up as the pain whilst driving was ridiculous, also my medication makes me very tired and also can affect my mood so driving is not a good idea, standing, sitting you name it, they all cause me agony. Once I was at home I thought I'd be able to help around the house as much as possible, i.e carrying out every day chores just to take the strain from my wonderful wife Karen, also spending much needed quality time with Karen and the children, again all aspects of what they were doing.
These things I have realised for very different reasons are becoming a combination of difficult, impossible and harmful in different ways. Here is why: I gave up work through the agony of Arthritis so as I am now finding out I can't do as much round the house as I would like, quite simply because as you all know bending, walking, learning on your knees tidying, stood up doing things all take physical effort which I am restricted with at the moment.
With regard to my wife and children, while my mindset tells me "yay" play and interact with the kids and be with my wife 24/7, it has struck me today as not beneficial to anybody. Karen has tried for months upon months to tell me this, she has explained that I need to take a step back from them all as I am not only smothering the children, I am also hampering Karen's routine for the children. They are both "Daddy Daddy Daddy" all the time, but this morning I have realised not only am I undoing my gorgeous wife's hard work, routine and effort with them, I am also holding Karen back from doing as much with the children as she would like to. I need to take myself out on my bike or even a long slow stroll while Karen stays in with the kids.
I have to do this to show my wife how much I love and respect her for the non stop good she has done. I realise I have already instilled bad habits into the children, but if I let go and make the changes, ok it will be tough but I want the kids to know that Mummy is very much as important as Daddy. This will also make me a better person inside. Karen has done so much more with the children than I have so I need them to know that and appreciate that. With Oliver especially I find it heartbreaking and so draining that it's "Daddy can do this Daddy can do that", why can't mummy put him down for a nap, she is his mum after all and I have ruined that for her.
The other aspect I must explain is how much Karen loves, worries and cares about me, and is affected by my Arthritis. She is constantly giving me opportunities to rest and generally trying her very best to help me. I must realise that by being a stubborn idiot it is affecting everybody.
Karen also has Samuel 24/7 with his disability and so many different issues to deal with. With our two very demanding toddlers and me to cope with and look after she has the day to day running of the house. She constantly tries to do her best with our children, like taking them to various stay and play groups, creation station and other things i.e the park, the beach, the quay.
My wife does all of these things for us and she keeps going and going and going. Today is the day I am going to start giving back and listening, today is the day I stop saying yes nod my head, I love you nod my head, l am listening nod my head and never do things, no today is the day I start showing my wife the love, respect and acknowledgement of what she says and what she does. Not just idle words anymore, I am going to do all this with actions. Far too many of us suffer from saying the right thing but not doing them, well today I shall make my actions count and I will show my wife how much I love her for everything. Today is the day my actions are louder than my words.
I will help listen, take on board what is asked of me, by doing this I can truly give something back to my family. I am a good Dad and Husband but I can also hold my hands up now to my failings and mistakes and this can only improve things.
This post is dedicated to my gorgeous wonderful wife who is my life, my soulmate, my best friend.
Thanks for reading. Gary.
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